Handheld vertical 9:16 phone video. Bright daylight UGC, photoreal. The gag is already happening in the first second. One stealable trick only. Camera at shoe level, looking down at feet walking a supermarket tile aisle. Invented person in opaque green track pants and gum-sole sneakers. They fall slowly backward; a KEBB soda can, a lemon, and a paper grocery bag hang weightless. The camera threads between the floating products, then the fall resumes. Deadpan. Not a wide establishing shot. Clothes on, opaque fabric with visible folds, complete head. Avoid: analog fog, empty loft, locked atmosphere hold, image reference, start-frame still, animate this picture, talking-head, recipe demo, celebrity, real logos, Leonardo purple, smirk, wink, gore, medical close-up.